High Fantasy, Low Intelligence Ch. 1

Once upon a time, let's say a hundred years ago for a rough estimate, in a land called Frilas that was so far away that nobody could ever possibly reach it, unless they had one hell of a travel agent, was a great and powerful warlock.
- (A warlock and not a wizard. While the differences between the two are subtle, they're there. For instance, a warlock usually favors a hood rather than a pointed hat in order to appear both suspicious and stylish without compromising protection from sunlight. For clarity, warlocks in the world of Frilas are essentially evil magic users who disliked the stereotypical image of an old man in robes who practice magic and instead decided to change. Warlocks are now recognized as old men in robes who practice magic except act quite evil whilst doing it)
The warlock lived high in the Bleak Mountains, an inhospitable mountain range to the north of Frilas and it was here that the knight known as Sir Hienmity and his young squire Jim were forced to explore. Sir Hienmity had been tasked with finding and slaying the warlock in order to become eligible as a replacement for the ruler, who would soon be retiring.
Excited at the prospect of becoming the new ruler and unaware of the legal implications of hunting and murdering someone, Sir Hienmity had left for the Bleak Mountains to begin his quest.
Currently, Sir Hienmity and Jim were residing in the Dwarf city of Obel in order to find information regarding the warlock's whereabouts. That and Obel has gained a reputation across Frilas for having the best wyrm egg omelet's in the realm.

Both Hienmity and Jim were standing on a balcony of the inn they'd been staying at overlooking the rest of the city. The city of Obel appeared like a quarry with houses and buildings built into the walls as well as tunnels leading off into the walls. It was almost pitch black save for the lanterns around the city to light the Dwarfs way.
"Ah, I do enjoy Obel. It's so… rustic," Hienmity said
"It does have that certain Dwarfen charm to it," Jim admitted
Sir Hienmity drank a mug of Dwarfen tea while Jim attempted to read a map written entirely in Dwarf. According to the map, the warlock's lair was just north of the city in a cave system that was largely ignored by the Dwarfs.
"I believe I'll find a guide. Navigating the tunnels could be difficult without one," Hienmity proclaimed as he put down his tea
Downstairs in the inn, in the dimly lit pub where everything seemed much too small, were various Dwarfs and human travelers. Clearing his throat, Sir Hienmity climbed onto a chair to make himself heard.
"Patrons of The Tired Miner Inn, I am Sir Hienmity of Capital City, victor of the Battle of Grudge Hill, rescuer of Princess Alacia, favored servant o-"
"Get to the bloody point!" Someone shouted
"Ah, very well then. I am in need of a guide willing to show me the way to the warlock's lair north of here. I am unfamiliar with these caves and-"
"You should speak with Castol"
"Castol, you say? Where might I find him?"
"He'll more than likely be here soon. I suggest you wait for him"
"Very well. Thank you, my Dwarfen friend!"
Sir Hienmity stepped down from the chair as the pub returned to its usual atmosphere. Years of adventuring had taught him many things but most useful of all was the fact that very nearly every inn in the realm could be used as a source of exposition. Admittedly, he had no idea why but he didn't complain about it.

Later on at the inn, Sir Hienmity and Jim sat outside waiting for Castrol to arrive. Eventually, an elderly human man wearing dust covered black robes that walked with a limp appeared. He smiled at the sight of Hienmity and Jim.
"Greetings, sir knight" The old man said
"I assume you are Castrol?" Hienmity asked
"That is correct"
"You're not going to reveal yourself as the warlock in disguise are you?" Jim questioned
"What? No, I'm a guide. Can't an old man dress how he likes without being questioned by you young people?"
"Oh… I'm sorry, please continue"
"Damned kids today… always expecting the worst of old men in black robes… anyway, I'm told you want to go to the warlock's lair north of here?"
"That's right" Hienmity said, "We have some business with him"
"Judging from the looks of you, I highly doubt that"
- (At this point, it should probably be pointed out that neither Sir Hienmity nor Jim looked anything at all like the sort to do "business" with a warlock. Sir Hienmity himself was a middle-aged man with long brown hair and a goatee beard wearing steel plate armor and a crimson tunic trimmed with gold. Jim was a young man with messy ginger hair wearing plate armor with a chain mail tunic)
"…I suppose that's fair enough" Hienmity admitted
"Well, whatever you intend to do with the warlock, it's not my place to ask. So long as you pay me and don't try to rob me," Castrol explained
And so, Hienmity and Jim followed Castrol the highly suspicious old man through the dark tunnels that the Dwarfs had built many years ago with only a light from a simple lantern to see by. After what seemed like hours, they arrived at the warlock's lair.
"How can we be certain this is his lair?" Hienmity asked
Castrol sighed before looking behind him. They had arrived at a cave mouth shaped like a human skull with blue fires in its eye sockets. There was also a sign outside that said:

ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER

Post to be left in the post-box over there >>>

"I'm getting sick of that happening…" Grumbled Hienmity
"How much do we owe you?" Jim asked
"That'll be fifteen gold"
While Jim paid the old guide, Sir Hienmity walked over to the innocuous looking post-box beside the cave mouth. Inside were various pamphlets likely left by passing merchants and two letters. The first was apparently from a subordinate of the warlocks asking about how things were while the second was written in some unknown runic text.
"According to Castrol, the warlock's cave is a complicated maze of tunnels. For two gold, he gave me this map so we won't get lost," Jim explained
Sir Hienmity chuckled as he shook his head.
"Oh, young Jimothy… will you never learn? Clearly I still have much to teach you when it comes to avoiding being scammed horribly" Hienmity chuckled
"Sir, I think this map might-"
"Yes, yes it's most definitely a fake. Let's get going shall we?"
Jim sighed before following after Hienmity into the dark cave unaware of the gigantic spider watching them enter. With a giggle quite unfitting for a spider, it scuttled away into the shadows.
"You know Jim, you never get used to caves. Even after all the years I've been adventuring, I still can't stand them"
"Really? Why's that?"
"I can't quite think what it is exactly. It may have something to do with how cold and wet they all are. However, usually worse than that is the fact that there's always some kind of horrible monster using the cave as its nest"
Jim stopped and turned as he heard what sounded like the clicking of bones. Sir Hienmity stopped and looked around at his squire who in turned looked around the dark cave chamber they had entered.
"I heard a noise… it sounded like bones," Jim said suspiciously
"Bones you say? I could understand if you'd seen bones. Bones would signify some sort of monster lurking nearby but hearing bones? Why that can't-"
Before Hienmity could finish, an arrow flew past his head and into the darkness. Drawing their swords and looking around the room, the two of them could see nothing.
"Perhaps I was wrong," Hienmity muttered
From the darkness appeared the grinning faces of a small group of skeletons. Each one of them held some kind of weapon it its hands and some of them were wearing pieces of broken armor.
"Dead adventurers! The warlock must have summoned them to stop us!" Jim pointed out
"Ha! Skeletons? I've fought skeletons so many times I-"
"Look out sir!"
Jim dived in front of Hienmity and managed to behead a skeleton before it could bring its sword down onto Hienmity's head. As if they had been given the order to attack, the skeletons raised their weapons and charged.
"Your sword skills have improved Jim, well done!" Hienmity said
"Thank you sir!" Jim replied before parrying a skeleton
As the two adventurers battled the relentless skeletons, the sound of giggling could be heard coming ever closer from the darkness.
"What's that giggling?" Jim wondered
Sir Hienmity ducked a skeletons mace before punching its head off and turning to face Jim who was fighting a skeleton wielding a bloodstained scimitar. Kicking the skeletons rib cage away from its leg, Jim killed the skeleton before looking around the room. The giggling was getting gradually closer.
"Brace yourself Jim whatever's coming it can't be good!"
From the shadows at the other side of the cave chamber appeared eight glowing green eyes followed by a fanged mouth dripping with saliva and then the full form of the gigantic black spider that crawled out of the darkness. Various other smaller spiders (at least in comparison to the spider the size of most houses) crawled across the huge things abdomen.
"Who dares trespass in the lair of Strazya, queen of all spiders?" The spider hissed
"Uh… we seek an audience with your master, the warlock," Hienmity said
"Master?" The spider giggled, "The warlock is not my master. Oh my no, of course not"
"Then what are you doing in his cave? Surely he's asked you to leave?"
"This is not his cave, it is mine! The warlock simply lives further in because I allow him to! Ha, that fool could not command me if he tried!"
"Ah, I see… I suppose having a giant spider outside your lair is cheaper than hiring security"
"Actually, the skeletons were his guards. He has them scattered throughout my cave as a way to scare people away. He says that they'll scream and run at the sight of their fallen comrades but none of them do. You adventuring types will kill anything if it's carrying a weapon…"
"Yes, well we're in quite a hurry so could you please show us the way to his lair? It would be most appreciated"
The gigantic spider giggled and scuttled closer to Hienmity. Jim's hand went to the hilt of his sword, as the spider seemed to inspect Hienmity.
"You know, adventurers, my children are becoming quite hungry-"
"Before you say it, no," Jim said quickly
Strayza turned her eight eyes to Jim who seemed to wither under the huge creatures gaze. She giggled yet again before staring intently at Jim.
"Were you expecting me to ask something?" Strayza asked
"This is always the part where you tell us your children are hungry right before you try and kill us for food. Before you consider it, I'm afraid the answer's no"
The spider scuttled backwards, seemingly offended by what Jim had told her.
"I have no intention of allowing my children to eat you! Bah, the only decent food sources for my children are the animals above ground I bring them. The Dwarfs are far too small and humans lack enough meat"
"Please" Hienmity said, "Allow me to apologize on my squire's behalf?"
"Hmm… I suppose so. If you're going to be civil, I'll show you the warlock's lair"
And so, Sir Hienmity and Jim followed the huge spider through the dark tunnels occasionally crushing a group of undead adventurers on their way. After a walk through the tunnels, Strayza stopped outside what appeared to be a castle that had somehow been surrounded by the cave walls rather than simply being built.
- (Scholars have proven that every practitioner of magic, except witches for some peculiar reason, will eventually feel the need to live in some sort of outlandish building despite it being much easier to live in a house. It is said that the reason for this highly irregular activity is quite simply "because I can")
"A castle within a cave?" Jim said, confused
"Like the little note thing there just said, mages are strange" Strayza explained
"I thank you, hideous spider queen, you've helped us greatly," Hienmity told Strayza
"Glad to have helped. Good day to you"
The huge spider scuttled away as Hienmity and Jim knocked on the huge wooden doors of the castle. To their surprise, the door creaked open as a hunched humanoid wearing a filthy leather apron opened the door to them. The doorman looked to be a ghoul judging by his grey skin, crimson eyes, long nails and general lack of humanity. Squinting its eyes, the doorman eventually straightened up before speaking.
"Hello" it said, "I presume you're here to speak with the master?"
"Is this the warlock's lair?" Hienmity asked
"Yes, this is the master's home"
"Then yes, we'd like to, uh… speak"
"Please, do come in"
The ghoul servant stepped aside to allow Hienmity and Jim to enter the castles main hall. It looked as though it was used frequently judging by how clean it was but that was impossible because of the entire castle being underground.
Hienmity's hand stayed closely by the hilt of his sword as he and Jim entered the seemingly empty castle hall. Peculiarly, while it appeared empty the suits of armor, tapestries and other such decorations were all pristine.
"The master will be with you shortly. Would either of you care for a spot of tea?"
"Uh… no thank-you, we really must speak with your master and be on our way"
"Very well"
As if one cue, there was a flash of purple light followed by a cloud of purple smoke appearing at the top of the stairs. While Hienmity and Jim drew their blades, the ghoul servant calmly sighed and stepped aside.
"Who dares enter my castle?!" A loud, booming voice said from the smoke
"It is I! Sir Hienmity, slayer of the thunder giant Man-Smash, retriever of the Golden Sheep, defender of the-"
"When you're ready"
"Ah, well I'm Sir Hienmity"
"I'm glad we got that aside. Anyway, all those who enter my castle must die!"
From the smoke appeared a humanoid shape. As the shape walked out of the purple smoke, Hienmity could see that it was the warlock. The evil mage grinned as he- but then he missed a step and fell down the stairs.
"…Should we… help him?" Jim asked
"I'm fine, really" The warlock spat
The warlock pulled himself up from the floor before dusting himself off. With the smoke cleared, Hienmity could see him properly. Rather than an old man in black robes who crackled with arcane energy, this warlock was a considerably younger man in a dusty black hooded long coat over a grey suit with steel greaves. His hair was lanky and grey, his skin was pale and his eyes were red giving him at least some features of a typical warlock.
"I assume you're here to kill me?" The warlock asked
"Your magic has allowed you to read our minds?!" Hienmity said, amazed
"No, I just guessed"
"Ah…"
"The whole knightly uniform thing was a pretty big clue, you know"
"I suppose it would be, yes. No matter! Prepare to die evil-doer!"
"I'll assume you don't know the news then?"
"What news do you speak of?"
"That the ruler's advisor has taken over while you were off gallivanting in the mountains?"
There was silence for a moment as Hienmity, Jim, the warlock and his servant stared at each other as if wondering what to do next. Eventually, the warlock sighed and clicked his fingers causing a glowing purple circle to appear on the floor. Within the circle, Hienmity could see what had happened to the ruler.
- (The "ruler" of Frilas is the one person in command of the other political leaders across the realm. Unlike most political leaders however, new rulers were chosen by the previous rulers from their court. With the person chosen, the candidate would then have to perform some heroic act in order to prove himself or herself worthy. It was because of the necessity to perform a heroic act that Lord Boldrin, current ruler of Frilas, had been replaced)

Lord Boldrin, the ruler of Frilas was currently shackled to a chair in his own dungeons while his advisor, now Lord Malis, ruled his people. While he was sitting in his throne room awaiting news about Sir Hienmity's quest, his advisor Malis had appeared and sent him and his guards to the dungeons to be replaced by his own army of black knights. While the whole thing seemed slightly obvious in hindsight, part of him still hadn't seen it coming.
"Are you comfortable, my lord?" A voice said from the dark
"I'm hanging from a wall by my wrists, what do you think?" Boldrin grumbled
From the darkness appeared Lord Malis. A tall, pale-skinned man wearing shiny black armor with a multitude of spikes and a long red cape. His hair had been slicked back and his stubble had been shaven off. He grinned at Boldrin as he walked towards him.
"I'm amazed you believed my plan, you know. Sending Hienmity, your best knight, to the lair of a deadly warlock. Ha! Did you honestly think he'd survive?"
"…Was there really any need to explain that all to me?"
"…Probably not, actually, but I just had this urge to do so for some reason"
"How odd"
"Yes… anyway, come the next full moon the ritual will begin and I will become all powerful. Perhaps I'll let you watch as Frilas is smothered under a blanket of darkness and I become the ruler of this realm"
"I highly doubt that'll happen"
Lord Malis chuckled to himself before turning around and walking away into the shadows leaving only his voice behind.
"With the power of the full moon, my ritual will begin and you will have failed" He laughed

"And there you have it" The warlock said, "Your lord has been captured and replaced by his own advisor. Personally, I'd of just killed him but whatever…"
"Then we must rescue Lord Boldrin!" Hienmity said enthusiastically
"Who's "we"? First you come to kill me and now you suddenly want to ally with me?"
"I'm afraid you're the lesser of two evils, warlock. So, will you assist me?"
The warlock sighed before turning to his ghoul servant.
"Ensure that the castle is kept as clean as possible, I'll be going with these idiots I just met five minutes ago for reasons I'm not entirely certain of"
"Very well, master" The ghoul replied calmly
"Now… I know you but I don't know your pet there"
"I am Jim, squire to Sir Hienmity"
"Really? I am Kharal, warlock of the Bleak Mountains," The warlock said mockingly
"Is there any way you can teleport us into Capital City, warlock?" Hienmity asked
- (Capital City is the unoriginally named capital city of Frilas. People had thought of names for the city but the original ruler of Frilas, Lord Hastir, had decided to keep things simple and had chosen the name "Capital City")
Kharal fumbled around inside his coat before producing a leather-bound tome of spells. He placed it down on a nearby table before flicking through its pages. Sir Hienmity and Jim walked over to gain a better view.
"I'll assume you want to stop Lord Malis' ritual as well, yes?" Kharal asked
"Will that help?" Hienmity asked
"It'll stop him from taking over Frilas if that's what you mean"
"Then yes"
"It could be any ritual given how many require the light of the full moon but given that he needs the crown to do so I believe it's the Ritual of Release"
"…Is that bad?"
"Oh, very bad. If he completes the ritual, then he'll free the Embodiment of Evil from its prison. In doing that, he'll likely become immortal and powerful beyond belief. Also, the Embodiment will devour all life on the planet"
"You sound surprisingly calm about that…" Jim said suspiciously
"That's because I have an escape plan," Kharal explained proudly
"Warlock, the ritual! Time likely grows short and arguing about escape plans is a luxury we simply do not have" Hienmity interrupted
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Anyway, the only thing capable of harming the Embodiment of Evil, should it be freed, or even harming Lord Malis in the event of it possessing him is the Blade of Zurof"
"And where might we find this blade?"
"I believe the demon Xryvl has it now. It lives on the Nameless Island east of capital city I believe. Of course, to get to the Nameless Island you'll need a captain"
"Where do you suggest we find a capable captain?"
"Capable isn't really the word… it's more a case of finding someone insane enough to sail to an island inhabited by a highly powerful demon with a magical sword sought out by thousands and recovered by none…"
"Port Blight likely has someone willing?" Jim suggested
"Port Blight? Port Blight is a den of inequity and evil!" Hienmity protested
Kharal snapped the book shut before turning to Sir Hienmity.
"But it's the only place where you'll find a captain insane enough to do this" He explained
"Very well then" Hienmity sighed "but I don't have to like it"
And so with their plan set out, the three travelers used one of the warlock's strange magical artifacts to teleport to Port Blight. Once there they would find a willing captain, recover the Blade of Zurof from Xryvl, return to Capital City and stop Lord Malis' ritual. Admittedly, it would've been simpler without the trek to recover the Blade of Zurof but these things are never simple.