High Fantasy, Low Intelligence Ch. 3

It had taken almost an entire day to reach Xryvl's dreaded island, but investigating the place under the cover of darkness would likely help them. Izzy sat in her quarters looking over a map of the island. Admittedly, it was a poor quality map since it only showed the edges of the island and nothing else since none returned from the island itself but that wasn't the point. The point was that it worked.
Sitting in the corner of the room asleep in a chair was Kharal while outside on the quarterdeck were Hienmity and Jim.
"I realize that we have absolutely no idea what this demon looks like, you know" Hienmity mused
"What do demons usually look like?" Jim asked
"Well, young Jim, they can vary quite wildly. Given that they're made almost entirely from magical power, the more powerful ones can change their form at will. I once did battle with a demon who took up the form of a particularly troublesome door"
"That was the other week, sir. It was just a normal door"
"Jimothy, I recognize a demon when I see one and that was no door. Doors do not lock me out of my own chambers on their own accord…"
"I think it was the jester actually, sir"
"The jester? Why would he do such a thing?"
"You did try to pull his face off because you thought it was a mask that one time"
Hienmity shrugged before looking out at the island, as the ship grew gradually closer to it.
"I suppose that's understandable," He muttered
"How will we be able to find the Blade of Zurof with Xryvl, sir?"
"Well, I believe that I and the warlock should attempt to cause some sort of distraction given our combat expertise while you and Izzy attempt to take the blade from the demon's lair once we find it. With that done, we'll all scream and run back to the ship"
"That sounds simple enough"
"Yes, if all goes as planned, we'll be there and back before tea time!"

It didn't go as planned. The ship had very nearly been obliterated by Xryvl who had begun casting bolts of dark magic at the ship from his tower. A good number of Izzy's crew had jumped ship and one of the masts had been torn through which would make sailing back much more difficult.
Fortunately, though, the ship had managed to make landing at an abandoned dock on the island. Izzy and Jim were to stay behind at the ship until Sir Hienmity and Kharal had distracted Xryvl to leave his tower. While the demon was gone, they would sneak inside and steal the Blade of Zurof.
Making their way through the dense, steamy jungle that covered the island was not simple but there were no other options.
"It's a good thing that new paragraph turned up when it did, eh? If it didn't, someone might have been injured. Specifically, me" Kharal said
"It's likely quite a shame that the reader missed out on all that action though, don't you think?" Hienmity asked
"I'd prefer not dying to a few lines of action if it's all the same with you"
"Yes, I suppose so. Anyway! We must keep moving forwards to find Xryvl"
"If Izzy didn't give us a map, how do we know where we're going…?"
"A good question warlock and to answer, I have no idea"
Hienmity stopped and looked around him into the dense jungle. It seemed oddly quiet for a jungle but there was still a great deal of plant life. The density of the trees and the plants combined with the lack of sunlight made navigation difficult. That's why you should always bring a map, folks.
As Kharal followed Hienmity complaining at him for getting them both lost on an island whose only inhabitant was an immensely powerful bat demon the size of a large elephant, they both found the tower.
It looked to have once belonged to a mage judging by the strange rune stones surrounding it. There were vines growing throughout and plants were growing through bricks yet somehow the huge tower hadn't collapsed.
"Barrier rune stones… can you disable them with your magic?" Hienmity asked
"…You do realize this tower is likely thousands of year's old, right? Those rune stones are likely so old that they wouldn't stop a gnat getting through the barrier they're creating"
Kharal calmly walked towards the tower while Hienmity watched him from the tree line.
"See?" Kharal said as he continued, "there's absolutely nothing-"
Suddenly, Kharal was flung backwards by an invisible wall of magical energy cast from the rune stones. Their runes glowed a bright blue as they felt the presence of a magic user. Kharal pulled himself up from the floor and turned to Hienmity.
"I told you so," Hienmity said smugly
"…Yes, well… I'll overpower them so we can get inside then"
There was a flash of bright purple energy followed by lightning arcing out from Kharal's raised hands into the rune stones. They flickered for a moment before exploding.
Kharal pushed the doors of the tower open allowing a stale wind to blow out past him into the jungle. Strangely, the inside of the tower seemed to be much too big for the tower outside. Despite that, though it was still decrepit and collapsed on the inside.
"There's the Blade of Zurof!" Hienmity pointed out
Sure enough, floating at the top of the tower on a balcony that could only be reached by a precarious looking flight of stairs running up and around the walls was the Blade of Zurof. It looked like any other sword save for a strange golden glow and the occasional crackle of white lightning along the blade.
"Come, the quicker we retrieve it the quicker we can return to the mainland"
Hienmity carefully began to make his way up the stairs towards the sword while Kharal suspiciously looked around the tower for anything out of the ordinary. It seemed unusual that Xryvl would simply leave his most prized possession so unprotected despite knowing that Hienmity and Kharal would be arriving soon to take it.
"Don't you think this is slightly odd?" Kharal shouted
"What makes you say that?" Hienmity replied
"For starters, Xryvl hasn't arrived to stop us…"
"Ah, he likely fled in terror once he realized the great sir Hienmity was coming to stop him!"
Hienmity chuckled before continuing walking only to run into a seven-foot, grey humanoid with large bat wings and the head of a bat. While it made little sense for Xryvl to be able to stand on the stairs with them being so small, the tower itself admittedly made less.
"You dare steal from me?" The demon hissed
Hienmity staggered backwards slightly while Kharal prepared to catch him in the event of Xryvl throwing him to his death. In the meantime, however, he decided to see if he could teleport up to the blade while Xryvl was distracted.
"Xryvl, we meet at last!" Hienmity said as he drew his sword
"Indeed we do… although I expected you to be dead by now"
"Really? Why ever is that?"
"Did the warlock not kill you?"
"Fortunately, we were able to convince him to join us!"
"We…? Your squire survived too?"
"Yes indeed. Now stand aside so that I may take the Blade of Zurof to stop the Embodiment of Evil and in doing so save Frilas"
"I see… are you really sure it's wise to- hey!"
Xryvl knocked Hienmity aside before flying down to the bottom of the tower where Kharal was attempting to leave with the Blade of Zurof.
"Get back to the ship, warlock! I'll deal with this beast!" Hienmity shouted
Hienmity quickly dived off the stairs with his sword raised before slamming into Xryvl, knocking the demon onto the floor before stabbing his sword through its head. With little time to waste, Kharal fled through the jungle clutching the Blade of Zurof in his hands.
"Get off of me, you imbecile!" Xryvl snarled
"Never!" Snapped Hienmity
Roaring angrily, Xryvl pulled Hienmity off his back before flinging him across the room along with his sword. Shifting into the form of a huge bat, Xryvl flew after Kharal.

"I hope they're alright, you know" Jim said to Izzy
The two of them had opted to sit at an old table at the ancient port while Izzy's crew prepared the ship to leave. Izzy was too busy drinking rum to listen to what Jim was saying and he knew it, but he continued anyway.
"Should we really be waiting around for them? What if Xryvl finds us before they do?" Jim wondered
Izzy put down her bottle of rum before turning to Jim, her blonde hair blowing slightly in the breeze.
"If Xryvl finds us, we run away," Izzy said simply
Hearing a noise from the jungle that sounded like someone screaming, Jim looked around to see Kharal running out of the jungle holding the Blade of Zurof in his hands. Following behind Kharal was the huge bat creature, Xryvl.
"Get to the ship; I'll fight this beast off!" Jim told Izzy
With a loud screech, Xryvl reformed into his humanoid form before walking towards the ship calmly. To ensure there was enough time to escape, Jim drew his sword and charged at the huge demon with his sword raised.
Despite being so small compared to Xryvl, Jim managed to stab his sword into the demon's thigh causing it to screech in pain. The beast spun around to fight Jim while Kharal leaped onto the ship followed calmly by Izzy.
"You would throw your life away to do battle with me?" Xryvl laughed
"I have battled foes larger than you, demon!" Jim said as he raised his sword
"Perhaps so, but none are as powerful as I!"
Jim leaped to one side as Xryvl slammed his fist into the floor causing the old decking underneath them both to creak and moan. In retaliation, Jim wrenched his sword free before blocking Xryvl's fist.
There was a noise from the jungle yet again. Jim looked over to the trees to see Sir Hienmity running out of the jungle. Hearing him approaching, Xryvl spun around leaving Jim with a short-lived gap in which to leap onto the demon's back.
"Get off of me, worm!" Xryvl screeched
"I shall save you, Jim!" Hienmity shouted
"Get to the ship sir, I can hold of this demon!"
"But you're far too-"
"Go, sir!" Jim demanded
"Don't argue with the character development, damn it!" Kharal shouted from the ship
Hienmity shrugged before hurrying to the ship leaving Jim to cling onto his blade as Xryvl swung him around in an attempt to throw him off.
Clambering further up the demons back, Jim wrenched his sword free before stabbing Xryvl repeatedly through the back of his neck. The demon roared before throwing Jim onto the floor and attempting to stamp on him.
Jim rolled to one side causing Xryvl to stamp through the decking beneath them both. The weight of the demon and the age of the wood caused the port to collapse underneath Xryvl allowing Jim to escape to the ship.
"Full speed ahead, you lazy curs!" Kharal shouted
"That's my line!" Izzy complained
"Just go, that demon won't be underwater for much longer!" Jim coughed
As Izzy's ship sailed away back towards land, Xryvl shifted into the form of a gigantic octopus in order to sink the ship and re-take his treasure. For Hienmity, Jim and Kharal, they were about to be experience being attacked by a multi-tentacled horror but for Izzy… it was Tuesday.
Kharal had opted to allow Sir Hienmity to have the Blade of Zurof since he was competent enough with his magic. That and he didn't want to be killed and eaten by Xryvl. Ever. Jim was to protect Izzy while she sailed the ship, the crew were to do their tasks while helping Kharal, and Hienmity fend off the demonic cephalopod.
"Xryvl will almost certainly be following us," Kharal muttered
"Oh my yes, but if we can injure it long enough him for long enough, we'll have enough time to sail to safety" Hienmity explained
"Do you not think there's a reason nobody comes back from Xryvl's island?"
"I'd assumed the jungle was the main reason. Nobody likes jungles, warlock"
Kharal ran a hand over his face before directing Hienmity to look out into the sea. The moonlight revealed the vague shapes of sunken ship bows, skeletons and one mammoth skeleton.
"Well no matter! They didn't have the Blade of Zurof on their side"
"Actually, they did" A voice said from seemingly nowhere in particular
"Xryvl is back!" Kharal said, "That didn't take him long…"
"Surrender the weapon and I'll make your deaths somewhat quicker"
"Don't you mean you'll let us live?" Jim tried
"Oh no, I'm going to kill you alright. My master would not be pleased if I let you escape with the only weapon capable of harming it. I also doubt that idiot Malis would be pleased either… not that I care"
"You're a servant of the Embodiment of Evil as well?"
"I was until that old fool Zurof sealed it away. I was able to kill him though and stop anyone from recovering his precious sword though. As I'm sure you know, that sword is the only thing capable of harming the Embodiment of Evil"
"Wizards can be so complicated sometimes…" Kharal muttered
"Anyway, it's time I destroyed you fools. I've waited hundreds of years for the ritual to begin and I do not intend to let you or that imbecile Malis bugger it all up. Now then, prepare to die!"
"Brace yourselves!" Izzy shouted
From out of the water appeared eight black tentacles the width of tree trunks, eight on either side of the ship. Hienmity tightened his grip on the Blade of Zurof while purple flames appeared around Kharal's hands.
Before any of the terrified sailors could react, the demonic tentacles slammed onto the deck and began to tighten around the ship. Xryvl was attempting to sink the ship using his own weight to drag the ship down.
Hienmity dodged one of the huge tentacles as it slammed into the deck behind him. He spun around and began to quickly hack into the tentacle while behind him Kharal threw spheres of purple fire at the tentacles.
"Foolish humans!" Xryvl laughed
Despite the sailor's best efforts to slice the demon's tentacles apart using whatever they had to hand as well as Kharal and Hienmity fending off the tentacles, the ship was still being gradually crushed.
"Hienmity, I have a plan!" Izzy shouted from the helm
"And what would that be?!" Hienmity replied as he ducked a tentacle
"I'll distract the demon while young Jim here takes the wheel!"
"What?! I can't-" Jim spluttered
"Don't put yourself down, boy! Anyway, I'll be back shortly Hienmity!"
Izzy ran along the deck as water poured onto the deck as the ship was shaken by the huge octopus demon beneath it. With a knife between her teeth, Izzy dived overboard leaving Jim to make some vague attempt at steering the ship.
"We're going to die, Hienmity!" Kharal screamed
"I've been in worse situations than this! Why one time-"
Before he could explain further, one of Xryvl's many tentacles hit Hienmity in the face causing him to slide along the soaking deck as sailors ran screaming around him. Kharal sighed and went to help him.
As the warlock slapped Hienmity around the face to wake him up, there was a splash of water followed by the sound of cackling. Kharal looked up to see Izzy leaping out of the water and landing on the deck beside him. Xryvl roared and slowly retracted his tentacles from the ship that was still terribly damaged.
"This is far from over!" Xryvl shouted
"Yes, I'm sure! I-"
"Hienmity look out you moron!" Kharal shouted, too late
Hienmity turned around to see one of Xryvl's huge tentacles slam into his face, knocking him unconscious. With the ship collapsing around him, Hienmity's unconscious body was thrown into the sea.


Far beneath Capital City in the inexplicably oversized tunnels of the sewers was a group of highly suspicious looking individuals wearing black hooded robes, the Cult of Evil. The room they stood in was decorated with tattered crimson tapestries that bore the symbol of a black skull. They were all facing a stone altar at the other end of the room behind which stood an elderly man in black robes trimmed with red.
- (It had taken a considerably long time for the Cult of Evil to settle on a name that didn't detract from what they actually did. After a considerable amount of squabbling, they had all decided to call themselves the Cult of Evil since they were a cult who worshipped the Embodiment of Evil)
"Brothers and sisters of evil, I have good news" The leader said
From the darkness behind the leader appeared a tall, thin man wearing similar black hooded robes trimmed with red. The man eyed the other people in the room suspiciously before carefully handing a leather-bound tome to the leader.
"Thank-you, Terry"
Terry nodded before slinking away into the shadows again. The cult leader placed the book onto the altar before flicking through its pages. He cleared his throat after looking over the page he had stopped on.
"This book contains within its pages the forbidden knowledge required to summon our lord and master, the Embodiment of Evil! Thanks to the efforts of Terry here and our latest member, Malis of Lord Boldrin's court, this book was successfully stolen from the castle's hidden vault," The cult leader explained
"I am happy to help, master," Malis said from the crowd
"It is because of you that our plan will finally be able to come to fruition, Malis. As everyone but the reader knows, only the ruler of Frilas can begin the ritual under the light of a full moon. If all goes to plan, you will become the temporary ruler of Frilas in order to begin this plan"
"Remind the reader how I'll usurp the throne, won't you?"
"Oh yes, you'll do so using an army of Black Knights. The spell to do so is contained within this book, you see"
There was an awkward silence as the cultists looked around the room at each other. Malis stroked his chin as he contemplated what he could do if he simply took the book and ran away. While doing so would benefit him greatly, actually escaping would be particularly difficult given the number of cultists.
"I suggest a celebratory tea party!" One of the cultists said proudly
The cultists cheered happily as Malis stepped into one of the alcoves at the side of the room to further consider his plan. Sir Hienmity and his knights, which would mean he would have a suitable distraction in which he could steal the book and flee, had almost certainly followed him.
While it was a particularly harsh plan, the Cult of Evil was of little use to Malis anyway and so he reasoned that losing them would not be such a bad thing anyway. Admittedly, the gaunt man the cult leader had called Terry was particularly intimidating but it was unlikely he'd somehow escape Sir Hienmity and his knights.
As if on cue, the door to the Cult of Evil's lair was kicked down as Sir Hienmity and his knights entered the chamber with their swords drawn. Malis grinned maliciously before quickly ducking out of the alcove to see Hienmity.
"Surrender and we will not kill you all! If any of you are thinking it, you more than likely can't take us all on," Hienmity explained
The cultists turned around to face Malis who in turn turned around to see the cult leader cowering behind the altar.
"Uh… well… get them! Kill them all! Defend the book!" Malis ordered
Shrugging, the cultists charged at the knights followed swiftly by Terry. Malis carefully picked up the book and hid it in his robes before heading towards the escape hatch hidden behind the altar.
Clambering up the ladder and out into the Capital City Park behind a bush, Malis turned around to seal the exit to see the cult leader attempting to follow him out.
"Good thinking, Malis! We can both come back for our brothers and sisters… later! Yes, later!"
"Actually, I was thinking of continuing with the plan on my own"
The cult leader stopped climbing and stared at Malis.
"I'm sorry?"
"Yes, I figure it'd be much easier to betray you all and claim all of the glory for myself rather than sharing with you"
"…I see…"
"Don't complain, betrayal is part of being evil"
"Yes, but-"
"Sorry, no time for talking"
Malis quickly kicked the cult leader back down the ladder before moving the sewer grate back over the hole. Satisfied that his plan could now continue, as he wanted without the Cult of Evil interfering, Malis set off to begin the ritual.
While his fellow cultists were either cut down or knocked unconscious around him, Terry watched Malis abandon his master and a feeling of incredible hatred began to enter his mind. However, before he could attempt to chase Malis down, Hienmity stabbed him through the heart with his sword. However, Terry somehow ignored the lethal wound and continued right up until one of Sir Hienmity's knights tackled him and repeatedly hit him in the head with a mace.
"How he managed to survive that is beyond me… anyway, clear this place up and then come back to the castle for tea and biscuits. You did a fine job here, men! I'm proud" Hienmity told his men

Later that day, while the citizens of Capital City went about their lives unaware of what had happened and Sir Hienmity drank tea in his chambers, Malis sat in a seedy looking pub at Port Blight. Hienmity was apparently too stupid to have noticed Malis had actually been at the cult's lair so Malis was free to leave the city unhindered.
"Ah, I see you stole the book" Zirlis said
Zirlis was a witch with whom Malis had become acquainted with quite well over the years. She had worked with him on many occasions as well as a number of other villainous types, though she never went into detail about any of them.
"Yes, indeed. I'll need your help with the next part of the plan, as you know" Malis explained
"Do you have any idea of how to get Sir Hienmity out of the city?"
"Not… really, no. I was hoping you could help me with some ideas"
Zirlis sighed
"Lord Boldrin is planning to surrender his position to Sir Hienmity fairly soon but before Hienmity can become the ruler, he has to prove himself worthy by going on a quest unlike any other"
"How do you know that and I don't?"
"Right now, that isn't important. Look, all you need to do is convince that fool Hienmity to hunt down a warlock called Kharal"
"An associate of yours, I presume?"
"Very little is known about him. He tends to keep himself quite… secluded"
"I'll ensure that Hienmity locates him then. I'll contact you again when the time is right"
Zirlis nodded before standing up and walking up a flight of stairs and out of the seedy bar. Malis concealed the book within his robes before heading up the stairs. At the bar, a female sailor with a wooden hand sat drinking a pint of ale.
"What do you suppose those two were doing?" The elf barman asked
"Something about that book. Probably some plot to do with usurping the ruler's throne…" The woman replied nonchalantly
"Most likely…"